Honest Scrap Tag

A) First list 10 honest things about yourself - and make it interesting, even if you have to dig deep!
B) Pass the award on to 7 bloggers that you feel embody the spirit of the Honest Scrap.

Ok, well, here I go. I know that no one except Lam will read this, but hell, I'm good at following directions, in fact it's almost a compulsion to follow "the rules" and do what is asked of me...and since I don't nearly satisfy my "need to please gene" enough (yeah right), I figured it was time to post here. I mean, seriously, it's only been, what? 4 or so months? LOL

1) I honestly believe that Xanadu is one of the greatest films made of all time. When you break it down, here are the facts:
a) Olivia Newton-John has one of the most amazing and angelic voices ever
b) A dancing and singing, not to mention, roller-skating, Gene Kelly!
c) Amazing special effects from laser beams...this was just after Star Wars came out and the effects were before their time!
d) Roller skating! Need I say more?!?!?
e) Time travel, Gods and Muses all in the same movie...nice.
See, so there are more reasons to LOVE this movie than to loathe it, so watch it (for the record, I just got the commemorative Xanadu DVD collection for Christmas and I can't wait to get the time to watch it, with Nicole...because she NEEDS to know what Xanadu is and what it's all about and there is only one cuss word in it!)!!!

2) I am grossly overweight and I feel like I'm victimized by food. I feel obligated to eat, even when I'm not hungry. It's like there is a time clock in my head that says, it's BREAKFAST, EAT. It's LUNCH, EAT. It's DINNER, EAT. NOW. I eat when I'm sad, happy, because I feel entitled, because I want it, because I don't want it or shouldn't eat it, because I think it will taste good, because I want to try it, because I'm bored, because there's a movie on and because, because, because. I will finish my plate even if I'm full, I will finish my kids' plates as to not to waste. I have a serious problem...and I think it's because the core of my being is unhappy.

3) I have a serious problem with not being liked. I feel like I am never good enough to be someones friend or do enough when I AM their friend.

4) I have faith that there is a God, but it waivers so much that I end up worrying myself that I can't sleep. I ponder it over and over again about how we got here and I start to cry whenever I think about the prospect of there being no God or heaven or way of finding out loved ones after they have passed. I used to keep myself up at night until 5 in the morning thinking about this when I was 9 years old...and I still do, occasionally.

5) I laugh too much at stuff...it makes people think I'm dumb. But believe it or not, I have an IQ of 141 which is higher than average, but I feel dumb around many people in my life. I laugh at a lot of things because I see past the words just spoken; I laugh at the tone, delivery, facial expression and context. I have heard a variety of opinions about this...some people find it refreshing that I laugh so much and think they are natural born comedians around me and some are just flat our annoyed by it. Oh well.

6) I automatically feel that people don't like me when they meet me. That I have to earn their approval of me and that I will never measure up to their expectations of a person. I have always felt that I was on the outside of everything...and that people forget about me, constantly. I am not the one that is always invited to the parties or have friends dropping emails or notes because they were thinking about me, but I am the one they trust to babysit their kids, come to for advice or just listen to their problems. I have often pondered if there is a stamp on my forehead that says "Welcome Mat, wipe your feet here".

7) I think that my husband has fallen out of love with me, but respects me and loves what he thought I once was, that he stays out of obligation. Of course, he denies all of this.

8) I wish I was a more creative and adventurous person. People say that I am, but I think that they don't know me very well if they assume that about me.

9) I am very judgemental. I don't mean to be, but I hold myself to such high standards, but I end up expecting that out of a lot of people too. I need to stop that crap.

10) I have to say that I wish I was more bonded with my kids, other than the basics...food, shelter, clothing and motherly guidance. I feel like I have nothing in common with them and they are these separate entities from me. I think that this stems from the fact that I am utterly and completely under appreciated at home. Even my own husband leaves his crap around for me to clean up...no one cleans up after themselves unless I remind them to. No one does what they are supposed to do, unless I ask them to. I don't do everything for them, but I have to remind them to do everything...they forget to clean their rooms, pick up their shoes, how to take showers, make their beds and this is EVERY day. I am starting to feel like I am the only one that cares and this bothers me. My son doesn't care about school or any effort it takes to succeed. I don't want to raise apathetic children, but it appears as if they maybe innate for them. I am saddened by this.

The following 7 bloggers are tagged to tell their 10 truths:
Beki: Truly one of the most articulate and phenomenal people I have ever met, who's clever opinion of the world and what surrounds her, always impresses me. Not to mention, her amazing talent with anything crafty and love for her children.
Laurie: I feel blessed that I have her in my life, so complex, so amazing, just like a bag of trail mix...it takes a ton of different things to make it all taste good.
Jenni: Someone this amazing makes everything she says interesting to read
Fawn: Because she needs to update her blog and I never hear from her anymore...
Randa: Because I love and adore her, mostly because she gets me, never judges me and always laughs AT me.
Jen: For the love of goodness, update your place! LOL
Kim: With so many kids, you have nothing but admiration for her insight and ability to just love, with so much enthusiasm!